(2004) Teen Comedy
Based on the novel by Rosalind Wiseman
Starring Lindsay Lohan, Tina Fey, Lizzy Caplan and Lacey Chabert
Directed by Mark Waters
Produced by Lorne Michaels
Written by Tina Fey
Running time: 97 minutes
Rated PG-13
Just once I wish I could've been the proverbial new kid so I could find out if they really do get the high school hierarchy rundown concerning where to sit in the cafeteria as follows:
"Where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial 'cause you got everybody there. You've got your Freshmen, ROTC guys, Preps, JV Jocks, Asian Nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity Jocks, Unfriendly Black Hotties, Girls Who Eat Their Feelings, Girls Who Don't Eat Anything, Desperate Wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually Active Band Geeks, The Greatest People You Will Ever Meet, and The Worst. Beware of the Plastics." --Lizzy Caplan
Simultaneously, I wonder how different my teen experience might have been with Amy Poehler's tits as a mom. My dad was a hard-ass. I'm certain he'll never agree to that statement, but I can attest that I most definitely garnered my prudish status from his inability to allow me anywhere near a parent-free house where boys might be present. Or to cut my hair. This was the firmly stated rule: "Natalie, any woman who cuts off all her pretty hair has mental problems." Sound familiar? (Think Hank Hill in a Mercedes.) I was a 21 year-old virgin who never tasted beer, but I got accused of so very much more by my dad. So yeah, let this be a lesson to the lot of you parents. If you put the heaviest of heavy hands down on your straight-A daughter, you're going to end up with a pierced and tattooed freak who doesn't visit anymore. That being said, it's a real shame we can't have high school scars removed via laser.
So, enough polliwogging. Mean Girls is exactly what the title implies. This film has been compared to Heathers time and again, and for good reason. Granted, there is definitely no Christian Slater male equivalent. However, there's snappy dialogue, social criticism and enough pretty pretty girls to compensate. The scenes carry so quickly you ought to watch it twice. And if you can make it through without laughing out loud, I owe you a pair of parody teeth. In short, it's the story of Cady (Lohan), who has just left the safe confines of Africa-based home schooling for the wilds of public education. Luckily (or not so much), she lands a hot spot in The Plastics, which is also exactly what the title implies. I immediately got the feeling her admittance was granted in an effort to keep friends close and enemies closer, except that there are no real "friends" in The Plastics.
The only hole in my suspension of disbelief sprouted when Cady elected to fail her favorite subject to land a man. Pfft. I never would've done that. But I was an English girl, and she's into Math, which spooks the hell out of me, so what do I know. (For the record, I never would've used the word "biotch", either. I'm being generous by even calling it a word.) In the end, of course, everything is justified, everyone is sanctified, and we get one of those really cool where-are-they-now montages. This flick is best viewed after a hard day or with a cheeky friend.
One spider for a cast chocked full of smart asses. (I wish I'd had chums like Janis and Damien.)
Another for popcorn dialogue...so delicious.
A third for biting social commentary.
And spider number four (ding ding ding) --oh, the eye candy...
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