Exit Through the Gift Shop

"It's not Gone With the Wind, but there's probably a moral in there somewhere."
--Rhys Ifans

(2010) Art and Cultural Documentary
Starring Banksy, Thierry Guetta, Shepard Fairey, Rhys Ifans and Invader
Directed by Banksy
Produced by Holly Cushing, Jaimie D'Cruz, and James Gay-Rees
Running time: 87 minutes
Rated R

According to the narrator (Rhys Ifans), street art has become the biggest counter culture movement since Punk. This pleases me, as I was never a big fan of Punk. I mean no disrespect to the genre. It's just that, since the songs are often condensed to under a minute, that's the amount of time the DJ (me) has to find the next song. I know this seems irrelevant to a movie review, but it really isn't. I imagine the rushed frenzy I used to experience while spinning for Punk shows in downtown Austin is probably the same sort of kick these street artists get whilst trying not to land a hot spot in the poky. The difference is, they liked it. I just wanted to smoke a bunch of cigarettes. So you want to know if this flick made me nervous? A little. But it's still worth a viewing. If for no other reason than to get a glimpse at Banksy's art. He's a genius. And he's more than moderately sexy in his hoodie with his mechanized voice.

So the rundown is thus: Thierry is an amateur filmmaker...actually, that is such a lie. He's a nut job with a camera. Evidently, he picked the thing up one fine afternoon and was physically incapable of putting it down again. He filmed hundreds of strangers without their consent and somehow stumbled into the world of street art via a relative (Invader). Lucky for Thierry, he's not that offensive, and his cousin led him to Banksy. Thierry actually tricked many a hopeful street artist into believing he was shooting a documentary, and that's how he scored most of the footage featured in the flick. When in reality, he was just stockpiling mounds of unchecked tape in his garage. Eventually, the story flipped and Banksy became the real documentary filmmaker.  Thank God.

If you know anything about being a gifted self-promoter with questionable talent and exceptional style (Madonna, Marilyn Manson, Lady Gaga, Andy Warhol), then you'll get this flick. Honestly, I probably wouldn't watch it again, but I will always remember Banksy. If you watch the movie, make sure you also watch the bonus features.

So...
One spider for fancy art.
One spider for crazy man ranting.
One spider for teaching me about street art...wait, I already said that.
3/5 spiders

Prey for Rock and Roll

"Je suis libre ce soir." --Lori Petty's shirt

(2003) Lesbian Punk Rock Drama
Starring Gina Gershon, Lori Petty, Shelly Cole,  
Drea DeMatteo, and Marc Blucas
Directed by Alex Steyermark
Screenplay by Cheri Lovedog and Robin Whitehouse
Produced by Gina Gershon
Running time: 92 minutes
Rated R
(The credits claim this movie is based on a play, but I couldn't find any further information, unfortunately.) 

The play on words in the title should give you a hint, fools. It's just like Gina says, "What is this? A Rock and Roll intervention?" Yes. Yes, it is. In more ways than one. Somebody I loved brought this movie into my world at a time when I was too cloudy to see the obvious. That being said, years later, I get it. (Even though several serious bits hit way too close to home and are really tricky to sit through without a shot or hit of this or that.) Most of the negative reviews I've read concerning this movie were written by watered-down rockers and men. In other words, if you're one of the few who recognize how seriously lacking the lesbian cultural world is (both books and movies), you'll probably dig Prey for Rock and Roll. Or at least, you won't trash it. I understand many reviewers say it's loaded with cliches. Whatever. If you really want to find cliches, you're going to find them in every form of media and entertainment.

Say what you want about Showgirls and Bound. I'll happily choke down my brown rice and vegetables any day, because Gina Gershon is a bad ass. She's not a fantastic singer, and she probably won't take home any little gold men for her role as "Jacki", but I'd watch her over and over again in whatever she's up to. (We forgive her for whatever the hell that was she tried to pull on Ugly Betty.) Call it a crush if it makes you feel better. She's hot. She's charming. She looks good in leather, and her speaking voice is just so gosh darn smoky. But most of all, she's funny. (We like funny.)

So it's the late 80's in LA, and the plot involves the shenanigans of a struggling all-girl quartet called "Clam Dandy". Yeah, I know. I can totally see a band named something similar making the big time in the Red River District of Austin. And yes, the drummer (Shelly Cole) is that bitchy little prep school droid from Gilmore Girls. For you fellow members of the Scooby Gang, "Animal" is a very tatted-down, fresh-out-of-prison "Riley". Drea DeMatteo will probably look familiar if you're a Desperate Housewives fan. All in all, it's a splendid smorgasbord of the bad gone good and the good gone bad. I don't know about you, but I always find it refreshing to see actors capable of playing different kinds of roles. (I'm trying like the devil not to mention how many times I've seen "Rachel" in something other than Friends. Don't judge. Jen is definitely cute as hell.)

Speaking of, so who's the villain? A guy named Nick. (Again, a little too close to home for me.) He is so gross, from intro to credits. If you're expecting character evolution out of this guy, assume elsewhere. He's more despicable than any Disney villain I've ever known, except maybe the dude who shot Bamby's mom, and he's not even easy on the eyes. He's the 10:00 fries you picked up at the drive-thru well past 2:00. I suppose his existence is essential to the plot, though I'd still like to kick his ass, even after watching him get his ass kicked. I am comforted only by the fact that, evidently, revenge is an aphrodisiac. The progression of the story via band practice montage is right on, though. And of course, there is always the obligatory vomit scene.

When it comes to rating this movie, I'll web it all out for you. 

One spider for really hot chicks.

One spider for catty narration.

One spider for singing even though you shouldn't, playing even though you can't.

One spider for tattooing a guy's forehead who totally deserved it.

And one spider for the girl I miss.

5/5...Come get me, Ebert. I can take it.

All That Jazz

"She's not even reviewing a film. She's telling you how clever she is." --Davis Newman

(1979) Musical Drama
Starring Roy Scheider, Jessica Lange, and Ann Reinking
Directed by Bob Fosse
Screenplay by Robert Alan Aurthur and Bob Fosse
Produced by Robert Alan Aurthur
Running time: 123 minutes
Rated R

This flick is a lot darker than I imagined. (Notice I typed "a lot" as two separate words, so you know you can trust me.) I'll be the first to admit that I had preconceived notions, and I don't know where they originated. First of all, I thought this was your typical sippy-flippy musical. (Insert game show buzzer.) Secondly, I assumed Bob Fosse was gay. In type I blame The Birdcage, but in actuality, shame on me. According to this fantasy-style autobiography, Fosse was a womanizer. (And a boozer, and a pill-head, and a workaholic, and a genius.) By the credits, I felt like somebody in tap shoes had ripped my heart out, tossed it onto the stage and danced all over it. I love this man. I have been this man, desperate for life, thus creating, creating, creating. If you fancy yourself the crazy artist who can't get enough of anything, watch this movie. And watch it late at night with a drink in your hand. Cabaret beat out The Godfather at the Oscars, for crying out loud.

...All of my classic reviews have been relocated. To continue reading, click below. 
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Honeysuckle Rose

"I don't know how you could smoke that stuff very often and not want to go to bed with someone when you're all alone."  --Dyan Cannon

(1980) WB Romantic Musical Drama
Starring Willie Nelson, Dyan Cannon, Amy Irving and Slim Pickins
Directed by Jerry Schatzberg
Original music written and performed by Willie Nelson and Family
Produced by Gene Taft
Running time: 119 minutes
Rated PG

Okay, fine. This one is a gimme. I've seen it a hundred times, at least. But I did just finish it again. And when you watch a movie with the intent to write about it, your perspective sharpens. And your appreciation often does, as well. So please bear with this small town country girl, because I'm about to go on and friggin' on over a movie that has never done me wrong. It's got everything--Armadillo chasing, The Cotton-Eyed Joe, babies drinking beer in a bag, old dogs sleeping on the floor, and even some golfing tips. If you call yourself a Willie fan, and you haven't seen Honeysuckle Rose, shame on you. If you watch the intro and it doesn't make you think of a particular King of the Hill episode, shame on you again.

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The Phantom of the Opera

"Every detail exactly as she said. Will you still play... when the rest of us are dead?" --Raoul

(2004) Adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's 1986 Musical Drama

Starring Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson and Minnie Driver
Directed by Joel Schumacher
Produced and co-written by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Running time: 141 minutes
Rated PG-13

According to Wikipedia, this film grossed $154 million worldwide, and all I could think when it began was, Holy crap, is that Minnie Driver?! I was so distracted, in fact, that I had to stop and read the box. I thought I knew everything there was to know about the phantom, having grown up in a literary household. I should've checked my assumptions at the door. This version is different. It's modern. It's Hollywooded. There's a bare ass in it, for crying out loud. Yes, that's right. Driver gets mooned. I felt caught in a whirlwind from start to finish. Very surreal, comedic, ironic. I eventually reached a point where I began to wonder if the movie was poking fun at itself. But about that intro...

If you don't give a flick about the storyline, you should at least check out the intro. It's reminiscent of Titanic, this transition from black to white, from corroded to new, that shows the (emotional) passage of time. It was beautiful... and perhaps completely ripped off from Cameron, but yeah, whatever. It still looks really cool. 

For those of you who slept through high school English, The Phantom of the Opera is a French novel that was written by Gaston Leroux and published as a serialization from 1909-1910. The book didn't do so hot, but somehow the musical became the longest running in Broadway history. It's the tearful tale of a disfigured and reclusive musical mastermind who haunts the hallowed highs and lows of a Paris opera house, toying with the lovely cast and crew to create the show of his fantasies. He's pretty hardcore, this Phantom, and like most men, he's not into competition. So when his pretty protege finds someone equally pretty, he freaks out a little. Okay, he freaks out a lot. But he sings like a prince charming, and as long as he keeps that mask on, he looks like one, too.

So I was in love with this movie for about the first hour, then I started to space out a bit and wonder about the running time and the Girl Scout cookies I had stashed in my bookshelf. Honestly, I don't think this was a reflection on the film. I think it had more to do with the fact that I know this story too well, and AND I'm a dialogue whore. I want my big fat hit of snappy bantering and colorful metaphor. These people just sing and sing and friggin' sing some more. After a while, my suspension of disbelief got challenged. I'm better with movies like this if I watch them in installments so I can appreciate the artistry of it all. Or if I'm sitting in an opera house with my white glove wrapped around a drink I sneaked via a flask with a spider on it. Whether or not this is a comment on my ability to concentrate or a comment on the merits of the producers remains to be decided. I liked it. I think. But I probably won't watch it again. And a year from now, if anybody asks me my opinion, my primary response will still still be, "Can you believe that was Minnie Driver?!" She's really scary. Disney villain scary. Much more frightening than the phantom. Bravo, Minnie!

I guess what this all boils down to (and yes, I can toss out this cliche because I'm an ex-chef) is that if you're not that familiar with the original, you're probably going to dig this film. It's entertaining. However, if you're a huge Phantom fan... meh... I got nothin'. It's a tossup. 


3/5 spiders... pretty, but forgettable.

Food, Inc.

"I'm always struck by how successful we have been at hitting the bull's-eye of the wrong target." --Joel Salatin

(2008) Magnolia Pictures Documentary
Starring Michael Pollan and Eric Schlosser
Directed by Robert Kenner
Produced by Robert Kenner and Elise Pearlstein
Running time: 94 minutes
Rated PG

Holy cow... (holy pig, holy chicken) I am off meat.
And after perusing all the labels on the garbage in my cupboards, I'm now asking myself a question I've heard my freaky Austinite friends ask a thousand times: Why are you ingesting crap you can't even pronounce? Because it's cheap and easy like that girl you scored in high school. Is your body going to be preserved through all eternity when your six feet under? Probably. Does the prepackaged stuff you buy even taste good? If you're hungry enough. My kid thinks so, but what the heck does he know? He's three and adamant that a Ritz cracker is a cookie. So I made a decision tonight. Even if it means buying less food for my family, I am buying organic as much as possible. Don't scowl at me, bacon-lovers. I know I'm joining the dark side. But I've been over there before. I went vegetarian for about five years after watching a scare-flick just like this one. It's the sushi that got me back on carnivore road. Sushi is my gateway meat, and you don't often see graphic testimonials concerning the inhumane treatment of salmon roe. That being said...

About this movie--I cried and I friggin' cried, and when my eyes started to burn, I cried some more. If you are faint at heart and you don't like seeing nasty things happen to cute animals, then you should definitely watch this film. Especially if you're eating said animals. If the sad sack critters don't push your (belly)button, maybe the unacceptable treatment of workers and farmers will. Remember when Oprah made that comment about eating a burger? Remember the lawsuits? Yeah, that was my hometown. I recall feeling sorry for the good ol' boy cattleman my daddy knew and scoffing at Oprah's all-star lineup from the steps of the Amarillo courthouse. I thought it was all about publicity, but I take it back. Oprah is amazing. Goddess bless Oprah. I'll step down off my soapbox now, but I won't apologize for the climb.

This film is so well done (pun intended). I'm such a sucker for intros, and this one is visually clever and informative, so I was hooked from the get-go as the narrator declared, "In the meat aisle, there are no bones anymore." Did you know that McDonalds is one of our nations leading purchasers of apples? This tidbit made me cackle like a mad woman. Where the hell does that put Mickey D's in the rating for cow purchases? Lord and Master? Ugh. I've gotten food poisoning from there more than once. How stupid am I for going back? Very. What is it about this fast food we love so much? If you knew one little burger was going to kill your kid in less than two weeks, would you pull on in that drive-thru? Probably not. But we trust our government and we trust commercials, and we trust all those big pretty pictures of the farms on the labels. It's all a crock. Ask Kevin's mom. Or better yet, watch Kevin's story.

4/5 spiders...for making me think.
And if you want to make a difference, ask questions.
http://www.takepart.com/foodinc

Backbeat

"Stop it, I said. Before I get cross." --Stephen Dorff

(1994) Drama
Starring Stephen Dorff, Sheryl Lee, and Ian Hart
Directed by Iain Softley
Screenplay by Iain Softly, Michael Thomas, and Stephen Ward
Produced by Finola Dwyer and Stephen Woolley
Running time: 100 minutes
Rated R

The mark of every good movie reviewer is a commitment to flicks you don't like. So here's my first. If you really dug this movie, stop reading now unless you don't mind having your sensibilities challenged. I don't want to piss off any Beatles' fans. This certainly has nothing to do with the band. And please forgive me, Focus Features, but I'm disappointed. Even Paul Mc Cartney has gone on record saying he didn't like Backbeat, and Roger Ebert said he felt cheated. That's how I felt, too. For me, this was one of those films that had an intriguing concept, and that's about it. I found myself thinking, come on...is this story anything like what really happened?

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Summer Stock

"When you work for Mother Nature, you get paid by Father Time." --Judy Garland

(1950) MGM Technicolor Musical
Starring Judy Garland and Gene Kelly
Directed by Charles Walters
Choreographed by Nicholas Castle Sr.
Screenplay by George Wells and Sy Gomberg
Running time: 109 minutes NR

Jane Falbury (Judy Garland) does her sister (Gloria DeHaven) a huge favor by letting the impetuous girl use the family barn as a theater for her summer stock production. The sister is romantically involved with director Joe Ross (Gene Kelly), but there are clearly no sparks between the two, so guess what happens next...

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The Shop Around the Corner

"I think people who like to smoke candy and listen to cigarettes will love it."
--James Stewart

(1940) B/W MGM Romantic Comedy
Starring James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan
Produced and directed by Ernst Lubitsch
Screenplay by Samson Raphaelson
Based on the 1937 Hungarian play, Perfumarie
Running Time: 99 minutes--Rated G

This movie is predictable. Or maybe I'm just that good. Regardless, I was holding my breath, waiting for what I knew was going to happen...to friggin' hurry the hell up and happen. Okay, fine. I was also holding my breath because old black and white movies tend to make up for their lack of flesh and explosions with snappy dialogue, emotional suspense and excellent characterization.

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