The Phantom of the Opera

"Every detail exactly as she said. Will you still play... when the rest of us are dead?" --Raoul

(2004) Adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's 1986 Musical Drama

Starring Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson and Minnie Driver
Directed by Joel Schumacher
Produced and co-written by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Running time: 141 minutes
Rated PG-13

According to Wikipedia, this film grossed $154 million worldwide, and all I could think when it began was, Holy crap, is that Minnie Driver?! I was so distracted, in fact, that I had to stop and read the box. I thought I knew everything there was to know about the phantom, having grown up in a literary household. I should've checked my assumptions at the door. This version is different. It's modern. It's Hollywooded. There's a bare ass in it, for crying out loud. Yes, that's right. Driver gets mooned. I felt caught in a whirlwind from start to finish. Very surreal, comedic, ironic. I eventually reached a point where I began to wonder if the movie was poking fun at itself. But about that intro...

If you don't give a flick about the storyline, you should at least check out the intro. It's reminiscent of Titanic, this transition from black to white, from corroded to new, that shows the (emotional) passage of time. It was beautiful... and perhaps completely ripped off from Cameron, but yeah, whatever. It still looks really cool. 

For those of you who slept through high school English, The Phantom of the Opera is a French novel that was written by Gaston Leroux and published as a serialization from 1909-1910. The book didn't do so hot, but somehow the musical became the longest running in Broadway history. It's the tearful tale of a disfigured and reclusive musical mastermind who haunts the hallowed highs and lows of a Paris opera house, toying with the lovely cast and crew to create the show of his fantasies. He's pretty hardcore, this Phantom, and like most men, he's not into competition. So when his pretty protege finds someone equally pretty, he freaks out a little. Okay, he freaks out a lot. But he sings like a prince charming, and as long as he keeps that mask on, he looks like one, too.

So I was in love with this movie for about the first hour, then I started to space out a bit and wonder about the running time and the Girl Scout cookies I had stashed in my bookshelf. Honestly, I don't think this was a reflection on the film. I think it had more to do with the fact that I know this story too well, and AND I'm a dialogue whore. I want my big fat hit of snappy bantering and colorful metaphor. These people just sing and sing and friggin' sing some more. After a while, my suspension of disbelief got challenged. I'm better with movies like this if I watch them in installments so I can appreciate the artistry of it all. Or if I'm sitting in an opera house with my white glove wrapped around a drink I sneaked via a flask with a spider on it. Whether or not this is a comment on my ability to concentrate or a comment on the merits of the producers remains to be decided. I liked it. I think. But I probably won't watch it again. And a year from now, if anybody asks me my opinion, my primary response will still still be, "Can you believe that was Minnie Driver?!" She's really scary. Disney villain scary. Much more frightening than the phantom. Bravo, Minnie!

I guess what this all boils down to (and yes, I can toss out this cliche because I'm an ex-chef) is that if you're not that familiar with the original, you're probably going to dig this film. It's entertaining. However, if you're a huge Phantom fan... meh... I got nothin'. It's a tossup. 


3/5 spiders... pretty, but forgettable.